"I don’t want your genetics / The curse below aesthetics / A manic effervescence / A black hole in the living room..."
The alt rock self flagellation / brilliant emotional heaviness of "I Think I'm Going to Hell" by Omaha based Bad Self Portraits, and the title track from their recently released debut full length (digital and on vinyl), feels drenched in reveals and an artful blend of 90's grunge leans / proggy alt rock shifts / emo punk diaries. Ingrid Howell's big power bass moves and evocative vocals that feel the space between whispers and screams as she boldly reflect on childhood guilt, religious trauma, and OCD and "the memory of a single stolen peanut that changed everything".
LINER NOTES (excerpted / bracketed):
[Written by lead vocalist Ingrid Howell, the song recounts a formative childhood memory through the lens of undiagnosed OCD and religious anxiety.
“'I Think I’m Going To Hell' is about my traits of OCD, ASD, and anxiety starting when I was a little kid,” Howell shares. “I was roughly five or six years old in the memory that this all stems from, and I stole a single peanut from the grocery store. I had never purposefully done anything wrong before, and wanted to test what could happen, so I ate the peanut in my room, put the shell in my locked diary, and hid the key above the trim on the inside of my closet. No one caught me, but I knew the ‘man in the sky’ saw me, and I was worried that he’d probably tell my great grandparents too. This song describes the thoughts I had surrounding that fear while growing up, feeling like God couldn’t save me, and ultimately trying to figure out how to process religious trauma.”]
“'I Think I’m Going To Hell' is about my traits of OCD, ASD, and anxiety starting when I was a little kid,” Howell shares. “I was roughly five or six years old in the memory that this all stems from, and I stole a single peanut from the grocery store. I had never purposefully done anything wrong before, and wanted to test what could happen, so I ate the peanut in my room, put the shell in my locked diary, and hid the key above the trim on the inside of my closet. No one caught me, but I knew the ‘man in the sky’ saw me, and I was worried that he’d probably tell my great grandparents too. This song describes the thoughts I had surrounding that fear while growing up, feeling like God couldn’t save me, and ultimately trying to figure out how to process religious trauma.”]
There is so much to love here. The band, Howell with Cole Kempcke (Guitar), Connor Paintin (Guitar, Keys), and Jesse White (Drums, Vocals) somehow creates an iteration of mid 80's to 2000's blended alt rock that, while harkening back some, feels utterly fresh and I think that freshness has to do with Howell's penchant for highly personal bloodletting expressed with vocals and vocal melodies that do NOT hang onto old clichés of 90's vocals (I think you know what I mean). Also kudos to all the musicality here, poised and rendered so fucking perfectly and emotionally in service of this track, god I love the lead break so much. In the end, "I Think I'm Going to Hell" is a song that will invade you deeply the more you listen, wrap around you like a security blanket as you tightly cling to your pillow and think about your own past.
-Robb Donker Curtius
THE FACTS AS WE KNOW THEM
https://www.instagram.com/badselfportraitsband
https://www.facebook.com/badselfportraits
https://badselfportraits.bandcamp.com/album/i-think-im-going-to-hell-2
Since forming in Omaha in 2017, Ingrid Howell (Vocals, Bass), Cole Kempcke (Guitar), Connor Paintin (Guitar, Keys), and Jesse White (Drums, Vocals) have captivated audiences with performances that seamlessly blend theatrical simplicity and psychological depth. Rooted in candid reflection and unflinching honesty, their music forges a sound unmistakably their own. The band navigates the tension between chaos and clarity—where raw emotion collides with deliberate musical architecture. Their indie-rock palette is driven by vocals that ache and soar, guitar lines that shimmer and snarl, and rhythmic shifts that mirror the turbulence of inner life. From delicate textures to cathartic crescendos, their arrangements are intentionally dynamic—designed not just to be heard, but felt. It’s music that doesn’t flinch, that dares to be unpolished, and that turns self-exploration into a shared, full-body experience. Bad Self Portraits champion the act of embracing discomfort as a path to growth, courageously spotlighting life’s messiest truths. Their songs resonate like emotional mirrorballs—inviting listeners to shed pretense and revel in the messy, magnificent truth of being human.
Bad Self Portraits, Omaha Nebraska, indie rock, alt rock, 90's alt rock leans, shoegaze, personal bloodletting, full length, debut album "I Think I'm Going to Hell", single "I Think I'm Going to Hell", diaristic, dreamy heaviness,
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